Monday April 25th, 2011

Dear Diary,

So i guess it's been a while huh? I have been super busy. Ok I am always extremely busy. I just haven't been really stressed out until I realized I have a month to prepare for my MCAT. People have been preparing for MONTHS. I am sooooo screwed.

On a brighter side, I had an amazing easter with my baby. We sat around and then made diner. Granted it wasn't ham like I wanted but the bacon made up for it. We had breakfast for diner <3 Yay. I Should've done a shit ton of work this weekend but you know what I think I deserve time off sometimes and this weekend was it.

Ryan and I were talking and we are both super excited about living together next semester. I woke up with a "kink" in my neck this morning which has promptly turned into the throbbing pain that tells me that I won't be doing much tonight. Too bad I have class til 5:30 and then a poster presentation meeting. Yup it pretty much sucks. I hope I don't get sick.

Today is write a heart on your wrist to raise awareness about suicicde and depression. It is a symbol of having your heart on your sleeve and living your life with love. In other words, always show people you care because some people can be going through a hard time and you never know. Give people the benefit of the doubt. I think I do a pretty good job living by this rule or at least I try.

To Ryan: I love you very much. I wish you knew how much you mean to me 'cause you know you are my world. Sometimes I go crazy psycho bitch and yell at you about stupid shit and I really am trying to stop. I have breakdowns because sometimes I get scared that you are going to leave. I know you say that you aren't but you know how badly I was destroyed. Most of the time I just wanna run away and do like I did when my dad left. Be a big girl. Take care of myself. Its scary for me to need you as much as I do. I just wanted to tell you that I love you. A LOT.

Love always,
Me

Thursday April 14th, 2011

Dear Diary,


Wow. Just wow. I have had one hell of a week. I have finally gotten over what I caught last week after my grandmother passing AND I have taken 5 exams. FIVE EXAMS! Do you understand how much studying I did in the past week to take five exams.

Well, all I have been doing lately is sleeping. It's nice. Tonight I am going to physics homework and then I am going to start doing some lessons for MCAT. It is totally freaking me out because I talked to my counselor and he said that if I don't do well then I would have to wait and apply next year. It is just scary and nerve racking to know that this is my only shot. It is time to start cramming/ reallly making time for this. It is super scary.

AHHHHHHHHHH ok better now. I am going to do dishes. OK Ryan?

Love always,
Me

Friday April 8, 2011

Dear Diary,

Again here I am in the computer cluster. I have come to terms with my grandmothers death or at least it doesn't hurt so badly. I am FINALLY starting to feel better. I can actually breathe through my nose now its great. I.... I have to start study for my MCAT like full on anytime that I have free studying. I guess I will have to work on that after all my exams are done. I just HAVE TO make time for it. I talked to my counselor and if I don't get an acceptable grade on it I may be looking at a gap year and I just can't afford that.

That makes me really nervous. Almost vomit nervous. I don't even wanna finish this bagel.

I fixed my comments so that anyone that isn't spam could post. Yes I realize my only reader is my boyfriend but hey I might as well let him leave comments right?

Today is my first exam out of the five that I have coming up. SCARY. I am going to study my ass off at relay for life. It is going to be fucking crazy though. Hope I can do it. I am gonna buy energy drinks and bring all (pretty much all of) my books and work really hard to know where everything is in the shark cause that is GOING to be on the exam. I am going to "study" for physics but he drops the lowest grade and well the truth is that I got a b+ and a- on the last two and don't REALLY wanna study for it, but I will I guess. I have heard that the kidney exam for physiology is super hard. But i think I have that covered. Biochem really makes me nervous though because lord knows that there is going to be much of a curve because it is Cosgroves test and he is a sweetheart.

The last thing I wanna talk about is my boyfriend GODD WILL HE LAY OFFF. hahaha just joking. I know you are reading this. ANYWAY, I wanted to say how amazing he has been. He is sweet and kind and has held me as I cry hysterically. He is wonderful and amazing and has taken care of me so much. I am so excited to be living with him next year. SO EXCITED. I promise that I will make this week up to him somehow. He so deserves it after how horrible I have been this week. AND HE GOT THE LEAD JOB.
w000h0000 baby.

Anyway, I suppose that that (that that?) is all I have to say.

Love always,
Me

Wednesday April 6, 2011

Dear Diary,

Oh how many things have been going on. I have 5 minutes before class and needed to talk to someone so well here I am. This sunday my grandmother died. Its...hard. I can't explain how I feel. I am so guilty that I could've gone and seen her on spring break but didn't because I was busy and mom didn't want me to see her that way. I want to go home so bad but have decided thanks to my 5 exams that I should stay and study. Well today is the funeral and I am trying not to cry sitting here in the computer lab. I just wow you know?

I am so stressed/sad/ all around shitty that I officially am sick. I have two large and painful lymph nodes on my neck. If I blow my nose/sneeze one more time....AHHHHH

I had a finicial aid incident that really freaked me out. Mom doesn't get it. Most people don't My myslice said that I had exceeded that limit of stafford loans. Thank god that I am considered an independent so technically I didn't. My myslice lied to me. And my mom was like see you shouldn't get yourself all worked up about shit like that. BUT it could've meant the end of school for me and that in itself is stressful.

Can anything else go wrong this week?


Love always,
Me